Many families struggle during the holiday season for a host of reasons. Unrealistic expectations for “holiday bliss”, disrupted schedules (often leading to sleep deficits), indulging in too many holiday treats, visiting with relatives with whom we have been out of touch, and financial shortfalls may present stressors. If your family includes a transgender or gender non-conforming child, adolescent or young adult, you may need to anticipate a new set of issues to prepare for.

Here are seven ways parents can help their trans and gender non-conforming children navigate

the holiday season:

1. Embrace your child, including their gender identity and expression. Don’t ask your transgender child to conceal their identity, even as a “favor”, or “Just for Grandma”. When parents ask a child to use their “old” name or conceal their affirmed identity they are telling their gender is shameful and something to be hidden. And that is hurtful.
2. Do not “out” your child to other relatives without their permission. Your transgender or gender non-conforming child should have the final say over how and when their information is shared, and to whom.
3. Consider working together, with your child’s permission (and at their developmental level), to create a family letter to inform your friends and relatives of your child's new name and affirmed gender identity in advance of the holiday visit. You might decide to include resources for those who want to learn more. Do not provide detailed mental health or medical information in this letter. Be clear that your family supports your child’s identity and that friends and relatives are expected to do so as well. Share anecdotes about the ways your child has thrived since their transition commenced. However, always check with your child first to be sure they are comfortable with the information you are sharing before sending the letter or posting an announcement on social media.
4. Be an advocate for your transgender child during visits and holiday events. Set clear boundaries with friends and relatives. This is especially true if your child if friends or relatives insist on using your child’s “old” name or continually misgender your child.
5. Welcome your child’s friends in your home, and at family events. Isolation from peers leads to feels of depression. During holiday breaks this is especially important as your child may miss having daily access to their school friends during school breaks.
6. Gifts for your transgender child should honor your child’s interest and identity. If your child is in the process of a gender transition, be sure to ask for, and provide others with, an up to date gift list. Their needs and tastes in clothes and hobbies may have changed.
7. Even if you are not fully comfortable with your child’s identity, be aware that engaging in affirming behaviors, even making small changes in behavior, can yield huge benefits with regard to your child’s mental health and overall well-being. Even though your child may be different in ways that feel uncomfortable or confusing, never forget that your child is still the same person you have cherished over the years.