When a loved one discloses their true identity, the reactions can range from "What can I do to support my child now that I know?" to "How am I going to cope with this?" For many individuals, it's a mix of these two responses and possibly more. It's important to recognize that people may have diverse and intricate reactions and emotions when a loved one comes out, and this is completely normal.

PFLAG offers the following suggestions on how to provide support to your child or loved one while ensuring that you also receive the necessary support.

Tips for Supporting Your LGBTQ Child or Loved One:

Lead with love. While some individuals may naturally respond in this way, others may struggle due to long-held beliefs that hinder their ability to respond positively and supportively. However, it's crucial to keep in mind that regardless of how easy or challenging it may be for you to learn about your child's sexual orientation or gender identity, it was likely difficult for them to come out to you. Although expressing your love for your child through the words "I love you" is an obvious approach, it's completely normal to occasionally find yourself at a loss for words. In such moments, a hug can convey volumes of love and support.

Listen with intention. Provide your child with abundant opportunities to express themselves and share their thoughts and emotions. Whether they wish to discuss their aspirations for the future or recount an incident that occurred at school or work, the possibilities for open conversation are limitless. If you sense that your loved one may desire to talk but is hesitant to do so unprompted, you can gently initiate a dialogue by posing an open-ended question like, "How was your day at school/work/church?" This approach can help create a welcoming space for discussion.

Show subtle support. If openly expressing support feels challenging initially, it's important to remember that even subtle forms of support can make a significant difference. This can involve speaking positively about LGBTQ individuals you know or characters from movies or TV shows. It can also entail sharing your thoughts aloud regarding gender or sexuality issues that arise in the news or openly engaging in reading and discussing new knowledge about gender or sexual diversity. These small gestures serve as hints to let your child know that you are supportive and empathetic.

Learn the terms. What does "sexual orientation" mean? How can we understand the term "bisexual"? Acquiring the necessary vocabulary is an excellent way to initiate important and occasionally difficult conversations. Naturally, as with any other person, you might make a few mistakes during this learning process—and that's perfectly alright! Acknowledge your errors, offer apologies when needed, and strive to improve in the future. To begin, you can visit pflag.org/glossary for a helpful starting point.

Tips for self-support:

Remember that you’re not alone. Based on data from the Williams Institute, there are over eight million individuals in the U.S. who openly identify as LGB, and approximately 1.4 million people who identify as transgender. Additional research indicates that eight out of ten individuals in the U.S. personally know someone who identifies as LGB, and one in three people know someone who identifies as transgender. Essentially, LGBTQ individuals are present throughout society, even if it may not be immediately apparent. Furthermore, supportive families and allies can be found everywhere as well. You are not alone on this journey.

Remember that your feelings are valid. Discovering that your child or loved one identifies as LGBTQ it evokes a range of reactions that differ for each individual. Some may feel a sense of happiness that their child confided in them, relief in gaining a deeper understanding of their child's experiences and the ability to provide support, or even joy in witnessing their child's self-assurance. Conversely, others may grapple with more challenging and intricate emotions like fear, guilt, sadness, or even anger. It is important to recognize that these varied feelings are entirely normal, and it is possible to experience them concurrently or individually.

Remember that this is a journey. While it's important to promptly convey your love for your child (as mentioned in Tip 1 above), it's crucial to recognize that this is a process, and it will take time to address and navigate your own reaction. It's perfectly acceptable to feel okay immediately or to not be okay right away. Allow yourself the necessary time to explore and understand these emotions at your own pace.

Remember that you’re important. Prioritizing self-care is vital, especially as you embark on the journey of supporting your child or loved one. While learning the best ways to provide support, it is equally important to seek support for yourself. Whether you are feeling isolated, apprehensive, or enthusiastic about connecting with other families, it is crucial to not only engage in conversations with individuals who have experienced similar situations but also to have immediate access to valuable information and resources. To find local meetings and helpful resources, visit pflag.org.